Giving self help a whole new image, Addictive Daughter is the brainchild of Persia and Joey, two twenty-somethings on a mission to remove the stigma of self-help and spirituality. They write, they act, they have been on TV with Russell Brand, but here they talk through five negative beliefs that are keeping you miserable and tell us how to ditch them! (No. 4 is a corker!)
As Plutarch once said, “what we achieve inwardly will change our outer reality”. It is inevitable, therefore, that if our internal dialogue tends to lean towards a more negative register, our outer reality is probably pretty naf also – or elements of it, at least:
Maybe we’re stuck in a job that makes us contemplate hole-punching some crucial arteries every half hour. Or we’re at the end of our overdraft (again). Or we can’t seem to make it past the second date. Or we’ve had to invest in a new pair of Spanx (God damn you salt and vinegar Pringles!) OR, we just can’t say no to that third glass of Pinot Grigio on a night out with the girls, which leads to us falling out of an Addison Lee at dawn, sans brand new iPhone, keys and dignity.
Whatever the lousy outer reality, you can pretty much bet that it stems from a negative inner belief that you are (subconsciously) repeating to yourself day in, day out.
Here we’re going to identify the most common culprits in the areas of money, love, career, body and social life, and give you a quick-fix tool that you can reach for every time your outer-reality has you feeling crappy.
1) Money: “I don’t have enough.”
Do you have a roof over your head? Clothes on your back? Food on your table? (Forget about tomorrow – we’re just talking about the here and now.) If you can meet these basic necessities today, then you have more than enough – more than the majority of the world’s population, in fact. Every time you find yourself going into financial fear or a lack mentality, we want you to take out your phone, and write into to the notes section the date, and three material things you are grateful for. These can be as simple as your phone itself and having clean clothes to wear, or as luxurious as being able to treat yourself to the odd Diptique candle every once in a while! When we are grateful for what we already have, we raise our vibrations to receive more great things.
2) Love: “I’m going to be abandoned”
This is a biggie. If we were unfortunate enough to come from a broken home, or a family where any sort of addiction was present, it is likely we’ll hold a subconscious belief that the person we love will leave us. This leads us to go into all manner of controlling or manipulative behaviours to try and stop that from happening. Ironically, it is this behaviour that usually ends up driving our lover away – and thus our deepest fears become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To combat this, our quick fix tip is to remember to keep the relationship in the day. Don’t bring in your past baggage, and don’t obsess over the future. If you are unhappy or worried about something, you can communicate it calmly and clearly to your other half, without comparing this relationship to previous ones, or putting a load of unnecessary pressure about the future. Let things unfold naturally. What is meant to be, will be – trust the process and allow yourself to enjoy the moment!
3) Career: “I’m not good enough”
Yes, you are. Want to hear that again? Yes, you ARE good enough. You have been given a unique set of skills, gifts and passions that no one else in the world possesses in exactly the same combination as you do. Every time you start freaking out that you’re not good enough to have your dreams become a reality, write down a list (into your phone notes section again – good to keep these lists handy!) of all the skills, talents and qualities that you have that make you the perfect candidate for your ideal career or occupation. Read this list every day, and your confidence and self-belief will soar in no time.
4) Body: “I’m too fat.”
Would you tell your best friend she was too fat? (We hope not!) Then stop saying it to yourself, because once again, you’ll start self-sabotaging around food and exercise in order to live up to this negative identity you’ve placed upon yourself. Dr. Masaru Emoto, a researcher and alternative healer from Japan, demonstrated the power negative thinking (and conversely, the power of positive thinking) in his water and rice experiments. He placed portions of cooked rice into two containers, and on one container he wrote “thank you” and on the other “you fool”. He then instructed school children to say the labels on the jars out loud everyday when they passed them by.
After 30 days, the rice in the container with positive thoughts had barely changed, while the other was moldy and rotten. Our experiment is a little more out there: Before getting into the shower everyday, stand naked in front of the mirror and tell yourself that you love your body, and it’s beautiful. Repeat for 30 days, and see what happens. Chances are, you’ll start loving and respecting your body a whole lot more, and because your internal thoughts about your body will be more positive, the results will begin to be reflected on the outside, too.
5) Social Life: “Everyone is having more fun than me”
Firstly, everyone thinks this – thanks to social media, which has us all thinking that everyone else’s life is so much more glamorous and exciting than our own. What we don’t tend to see online is the debt, the anxiety and the massive insecurities that pretty much all of us have on any given day. With this in mind, stop comparing your reality with other people’s highlights reel – because it simply isn’t worth it. Get really clear and honest with yourself about what you actually like doing in your spare time, and get around people who liked doing the same thing. For example, perhaps you’d much rather spend your Saturday evening in with a girlfriend baking and watching movies, rather than shelling out an arm and a leg on cocktails at the hippest new bar in town. Follow your desires, not the crowd – you’ll be so much less resentful and so much more fulfilled when you give yourself permission to do what you actually want to do.
We hopes these 5 tips help!
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