What I want for you: a letter to my daughter about body confidence and wellbeing

Some of us are lucky enough to have our mums into adulthood. Others of us are not.

However long we have them for, our mums have a profound impact on who we are. Above everything, what they want is for us to be happy and healthy.

So as we head towards Mother’s Day, Spabreaks.com founder Abi shares an open letter to her daughter about self care and body confidence…

Dear Aver, 

You’re growing up so fast.  You are beautiful and intelligent and kind, but as you head towards your teens, I am so aware of how daunting it can be.

It’s an exciting time as well though, you’re starting out on your journey - you have opportunities to learn and grow, and I am so excited to be a part of that with you.

When you’re my age and you start to get older, things creep up on you gradually - a few lines here, a couple of scars there.  We all worry about them, but I try not to because whatever you do they’re inevitable, and it’s a privilege to get older that not everyone gets.

As a teenager though, I can still remember changes happening very quickly.  It can be frightening, but it will pass and you learn a lot about yourself along the way.  Much like wrinkles, the changes in your skin as a teenager can be surprising and sometimes unwelcome, but try not to worry, it really won’t last forever.  Along the way there’s so much to enjoy as well - it’s a time for growing into your identity, and what an identity you are going to have, my love.

Body shape is something that so many people talk about.  I wish I could protect you from any negative feelings that the outside world might project on you, but I can’t and I guess that’s part of my journey as well.  Look after your body and it will look after itself.  Try to let it be the body its supposed to be.  Stay healthy and don’t do anything to excess, the rest will follow.  

We don’t always like the changes we see in our bodies as we get older, but I hope you try to give yours the love and respect it deserves.  It’s working hard to see you through this life.  I for one am proud of my body.  I have scars on my skin - from the stretch marks that remind me how lucky I am to have you and your brothers to the scars on my back from surgery.  Those are less happy ones, but they do remind me how lucky I am to be well.

Remember to have fun, life doesn’t have to be serious all the time. Eat well, exercise, and try to find ways to put stress and anxiety into perspective.  Stress is a part of life, but if it’s managed properly it can be put to good use.  You will get it out of balance sometimes, but that’s ok too.  None of us are ok all the time, and as much as I want you to be, I wouldn’t be letting you live a full life if I didn’t want you to experience its highs, it’s lows and the gloriously boring bits in between.

If I can offer you one piece of advice, it’s to find the people you love and value in your life and look after them, stick with them and talk to them.  Talking is one of the most powerful ways to navigate the knots that arise in your mind, and it’s the people who support you in life who will anchor you when you feel adrift.  Look after one another and everything will work out just as it should.  Above all, always remember that you’re my little girl, no matter how grown up you are, and in me you will always have someone to talk to, to look out for you, and who thinks you’re perfect just as you are.

Love Mum x